This post is extremelyy self explanatory. I’ll be telling you traits of an independent person, or things that independent people do, and you’ll incorporate it into your life! Independence is very much needed and I’m here to help supply you with it 🙂
If you struggle with independence and being your own person, this is the post for you, babe. So, yeah, Imma give you the tea!
Disclaimer: Please do not come for me talking about “I tried and it didn’t work.” It’s not gonna happen overnight, it takes timeee!
They Don’t Depend on Anyone if They Can Do It
Period. And that’s that. No, but seriously, if you can do it yourself, then do it yourself. Note that there’s a difference between not being able to do something yourself and just being lazy. I’m lazy, so even though I could go all the way upstairs to get my laptop charger, I’m gonna ask my siblings to do it.
Being lazy and always asking people to do things for you is kind of… Not a good thing. I promise I’m working on it. Typically, my siblings don’t do what I ask them to do, so I end up doing it myself anyway. But every time I’m feeling lazy, I’ll just remind myself that getting up and moving around (even it’s just from the table to the fridge and back to the table) counts as exercise. If you think that’ll work for you, too, then definitely try it! Even if you don’t think it’ll really work, what’s the harm in trying?
They Do What They Love & Love What They Do
Okay, so when it comes to independence, it’s kinda hard to be independent with a certain thing if you don’t enjoy it. Say you like instruments or sports. If you actually like them, you’ll always want to practice on your own and try to perfect your craft by yourself. When you only kinda sorta maybe like it, you’ll typically only practice with other people, thus making your success dependent on others. We don’t want that. We don’t need that. We don’t like that.
Loving what you do and doing what you love can put you so far ahead mentally and physically. If you love it, you’re less likely to have bad thoughts about it or feel exhausted or feel like you’re wasting your time. If you don’t love doing it, then why are you still doing it? Unless it’s something you have no control of (like going to school.)
They Go After What They Want
Independence makes you try harder and push yourself more, because you already have the mentality of “Okay, I have to make it for myself because nobody’s gonna hand it to me.” You have to go get it, because nobody’s gonna do it for you. You can’t say “I wanna be famous and rich”, but don’t have a social media presence, don’t have a job or anything (unless your family happens to be famous and rich, then nvm.)
If you want something—whether it’s money, clothes, a job, a car, a house, followers, better physical/mental health, stability in general—you have to go out, put yourself out there, and try hard to get it. It’s not just gonna fall in your lap. Unfortunately for us lazy kids out there, you gotta actually do things that will set up other things to fall in place.
They Know Exactly What They Need to Gain Success
Yesss! Especially depending on what form of success you’re looking for. Not everybody’s success is money, money, big house, fancy car. There’s two forms of success. Long term and short term. If you’re in school and you want good grades and an amazing GPA by the end of the school year, that’d be considered short term success. And your long term success could be a really good career.
So, before you can check this step off your Independence List, you need to know what you think your ideal long term and short term success is. My long term success is quite vague tbh… I want money, money, big house, fancy car. Lol, no, but seriously… I want stability. I want money, wanna be a lil famous 😉 , a nice house, a nice car, a nice job, a nice family, nice friends… You know? I want my life to be stable and not always some crazy weird life changing thing happening. Sure, it’d be exciting if something is always happening, but it’s gonna get old at some point.
My short term success would be maintaining grades, raising my GPA, getting a lil money now, learning how to drive. You know? Like, little things like that is what I’m trying to accomplish now to better prepare me for when I’m closer to money, money, big house, fancy car.
They Don’t Mind a Lil Challenge
Challenges and obstacles are a BIG part of life. Every aspect of life has challenges and things you’ll have to get through. So, if you’re gonna break down at the sight of a challenge or slight difficulty, babe, this might not be for you. You are independent! You are literally everythingggg! You can’t afford to be stagnating your progress just because something is a little hard.
Get yaself together. Right now. Also, it’s okay to ask for help if something is tooo challenging. As long as you’re not constantly asking for help, especially without actually trying with all your effort, you’ll still be independent. Ask for help. Don’t be shy, it’s okay. We’re independent, not overly egotistic or prideful.
They’re Comfortable in Their Own Being
Oh my gosh. I can’t stress this enough… YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO BE BY YOURSELF!!!!! It’s okay to want a SO and to have friends and always want to be around someone. That’s fine, but whoever you’re always around… They’re not gonna be there forever. They’ll get busy at some point or maybe y’all will fall off. If you base your comfort around other people, you’ll never become comfortable with yourself.
Take some time away from people and just spend time with yourself. Sit in your room alone. You can be on your phone, read a book, watch TV… I don’t care. You just need to be alone, so that you’ll know you won’t die if you don’t have someone with you 25/8.
They Don’t Need a SO to Feel Complete
You really don’t. You don’t need a gf or a bf. You’re perfectly perfect by yourself. This kinda goes into the last one with being comfortable with yourself, but it narrows it to focus solely on relationships. Leave people alone. If you just got out a relationship, don’t immediately go looking for another one. The longer the relationship was, the longer you need to wait to start actively looking for a new one.
Now if an opportunity presents itself, you can go for it. But don’t go looking for one, let it come to you. The only reason why I say you should wait (especially depending on how long the relationship lasted) is because in relationships we build trust and a form of dependence on the person. When y’all break up, no matter what happened, some of that trust is immediately broken. You need to take time out to get back to who you were before them and get yourself back up and good before you try to drown the feelings with other people.
They’re Their #1 Priority
PERIODDD! Like, babe, what!? How can you not make yourself your #1 priority??? You come before everyone! No ifs, ands, or buts about it, okay? If you’re like me and like helping people and tend to forget about making sure you’re good, because you’re focused on making sure other people are good… Get some help. I used to just put myself and the things I needed aside to make sure everyone else was good. No.
I’ve definitelyyy gotten over that, and now I know I’m doing muchhh better! So, if you struggle with that, talk to me. I’ll give you some tips and help you out 🙂
They Stand Up for Themselves
Do not let anybodyyy walk over you. Um, excuse me what? You can’t be afraid to call people out, tell people what they not gon do, and let people see that you’re not the one. Right plan, wrong one. No, babe. Unh unh. We do not play that, because that’s so disrespectful.
The blatant disregard someone has to have for you to walk over you or treat you any type of way??? THE AUDACITYYY!!! Know your worth, babe. I’ve never been one to let people say or do whatever they wanted to me. So, I can help you with that, too. Just send me a message using the link above.
They’re Responsible & Respectful
Being independent does not give you an excuse or any leeway to be rude to anybody. If someone’s rude to you? By all means, give them the same energy. But don’t just walk around being rude and ugly. Because that’s what it is. Being rude is ugly.
Be responsibleee! How you gon be independent, but can’t keep up with nothing? You gotta be together. Always on point, never lackin. Have your stuff together. If you know an event is coming up, know what you need to be prepared and have it together weeks or days in advance. If you have assignments due, make sure to have all your papers and things together so in the morning you not rushing to grab everything or tryna find stuff, because you forgot where you put it. (That mostly applies to people that actually go to school, due to online school this whole process is a lil easier.) Just be on top of everything.
They Love Themselves Unconditionally
You can love what you do, you can stand up for yourself, you can be responsible, you can know what you need to be successful, but if you don’t love yourself? None of that means anything. You can’t achieve what you want to achieve without being able to love yourself. LOVE YOSELFFF! On that note, I’ll be doing a post about it, so be on the look out for it.
Weekly BHM Icon of the Week: Madam C.J. Walker. Madam C.J. Walker was one of the first American women self made millionaires! She created specialized hair products for African American hair after having a really bad experience which resulted in her own hair loss. She established Madam C.J. Walker’s Laboratories to produce cosmetics and train others as sale beauticians. Two famous quotes from her are “I got my start by giving myself a start” and “I had to make my own living and my own opportunity. But I made it! Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them.” We can all learn a thing or two from her! There’s a 2020 TV show inspired by her called Self Made and Octavia Spencer plays her. I haven’t personally watched it, but I plan to once my life isn’t so busy. If you’ve watched it, lmk what you think in the comments! (Disclaimer: I researched and towards the end of the show, they said Madam C.J. Walker stole Annie Malone’s formula. Madam’s great-great-grandaughter, A’Leila Bundles, said this claim is complicated. The formula that Annie (on the show her name is Addie Munroe) used had been created a couple hundred years before and plenty of white and african american people used it as a base for all types of products. The website I found this information on is shadowandact.)
BHM Black Story of the Week: The picture above is a picture of the Exonerated 5 (previously called the Central Park 5.) From left to right, Raymond Santana, Yusef Salaam, Korey Wise, Kevin Richardson, and Antron McCray. The Exonerated 5 were wrongly convicted of raping a woman in the park. The woman, Trisha Meili (previously known as the Central Park Jogger), was not raped by them. In fact, all 5 had been in a completely different area and didn’t even see what happened to her. Raymond, Yusef, Kevin, and Antron were all in the park with some other boys. They were just having fun, playing around, but the police got a call that they were harrassing people. Some of the boys were arrested. Yusef managed to escape and he told his best friend, Korey, about what happened. Yusef then had to go to the police station and Korey went with him. The interrogators questioned the boys and lied to them. They were pressured into confessing things they didn’t do. The boys were 14 (Raymond and Kevin), 15 (Yusef and Antron), and 16 (Korey). Yusef, Raymond, Antron were sentenced 10 years but served six years and 8 months in juvenile detention, they were released on parole. Yusef and Antron tried to get jobs, but Raymond went into selling drugs to make money (he was a felon and it was very hard for people to trust him enough to give him a job). Raymond spent 3.5-7 more years in jail. Kevin served seven years in juvenile detention and was released on parole, then tried to find a job. Korey Wise was convicted just because he went to the station with his friend. He served the most time out of all five (13 years) and since he was already 16, he was tried as an adult. Terrible things happened to him while in jail, beat and raped, and he was also put into solitary confinement. Finally, the person who really raped Trisha Meili, Matias Reyes, met Korey in prison on two occasions. One in Rikers Island where they got into a fight over a TV, and again in the Auburn prison yard where they just talked. Matias was already doing 33 years for a murder-rape conviction, and after meeting Korey, he confessed to Trisha’s rape, too. So, finally, all five boys were out. They filed a civil lawsuit against New York City, and got paid $41M! Korey was paid the most ($12M) since he had the worst sentencing and was tried as an adult.This story is portrayed in the Netflix Series, When They See Us. The story is heartbreaking, triggering, and will probably make you cry (it made me cry.) Please check it out and lmk what you think!
Best Thing to Happen to me This Week: My sister’s birthday was this week, and me, my mom, and one of my other sisters made her cake and cookies. It came out so good and I was so proud of myself!
Weekly Affirmation: I am an amazing person.
That’s all I have for this post! I’ll be doing a Self Love post next, and plentyyy more!
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Post and follower count: 24 posts, 52 followers! I want to take a moment and thank you all for how far we’ve gotten!