If you didn’t read my Boys post, you should go do that so you’ll understand why I’m even writing this one in the first place. Even if you didn’t read it, this is self explanatory. My last post, I talked about how to deal with boys. In this post, I’ll talk about how to deal with girls. This can be used romantically or platonically 🙂
We all know boys send the most mixed signals everrr, but we’re not gonna act like girls don’t send mixed signals too. A lot of stuff that’s associated with boys in this era, (mixed signals, cheating, lying, etc.), girls do it too. So, yeah, Imma give you the tea!
Disclaimer: Pretty much all the headings are the same on both posts, because I wanted to touch on everything I talked about last time. I just wanted it to be equal, so pleaseee don’t be confused!
Some Girls Just Want One Thing
I don’t know any girls like this and I’ve never really heard anybody that dates girls say that girls do this, but I know they do. Imma say what I said last time, be careful and be safe.
This is why I always say let your intentions be known before you get into a relationship. Not everyone is looking for a long term thing just like not everyone is looking for a short term thing. I know plenty of girls and guys who want a gf or bf but don’t wanna be with anybody foreverrr. (Some people aren’t ready for that type of commitment.) There’s gonna be somebody out there that’s looking for the same thing as you. Whether you’re looking for someone you could potentially marry or if you just want something less committed.
Don’t Treat Your New Girl Wrong Cuz of Your Ex
I know girls do this, (I’m a girl and I do this so I sign my stamp of approval on this statement), but I’m not completely sure if boys do this and I don’t know anyone who does. However, I know there’s a boy out there that does. So, don’t treat your new girlfriend wrong unless she’s given you a reason too. (I.e, she cheats, lies, etc.)
I really do believe in the fact that humans are good by nature (~Philosopher John Locke). So, when there are people that do you wrong, I always assume they’ve been done wrong before. I mean, why would anybody go into their first relationship doing wrong? I’m sure it happens, but that blows me. Anywayy, treat everyone right. Treat your girlfriend with the respect you want to receive. If you respect y’all’s relationship, she should too. And if she doesn’t? Focus on yourself, babe.
Don’t Fall in Love Too Easy
Please, I beg you. Take your time. If you think you’re in love with someone and y’all have been together less than 4-5 months, you’re not in love with them. You probably love them, but you’re not in love. I said this in the last post, and I’ll say it again: “love” and “being in love” isn’t the same thing. And I stand on that! You can love somebody without being in love with them. An example? Your family. You love them, but you’re not in love with any of them. (At least, you shouldn’t be cuz that’s D I S G U S T I N G!)
It’s okay to say I love you. Let people know when you care strongly for them (romantic and platonic relationships.) If y’all been together less than 4-5 months and she tells you she’s in love with you, just send her this. I’m not tryna tell anybody what to feel, but I’ve been there. I’ve felt like I was in love with someone, and turns out… I wasn’t! A couple months later, she (or you) might actually fall in love and realize she wasn’t really in love before. It takes time to understand it, and it takes time to realize when you’re actually, truly in love with someone. So, take your time!!!
Sometimes, You and Girls Will Just Click
I basically said this in my last post, but the automatic clicking thing can and will happen. Some people you just… Click with. It’s like… You meet them and y’all are instantly friends. The people you click with are the best people you’ll meet. The friendship/relationship where you just click are the besttt!
It’s like y’all just already understand each other as soon as you have one or two conversations. I’ve met a few people like that, and they’re the only ones I talk to on a regular basis. They’re the only ones I can get into an argument with and then we bounce right back like nothing happened. Even if we go a few weeks or months without talking, we still bounce right back as if nothing changed. Wanna know why? Because nothing changed! Those are the people you’re always close to no matter what.
Don’t Bring Up Her Exes
You wouldn’t want her bringing up your exes, would you? So, don’t bring up hers. You might unlock painful memories by trying to pry. And poking yourself into other people’s business? Will get you blocked and your number deleted. The more y’all trust each other, the more personal info you’ll tell each other. Which means, she tells you about her exes and you tell her about yours. If y’all’s relationship or friendship never gets that far or y’all just don’t talk about it, that’s fine. Not everybody wants to tell people about their previous experiences. Mind ya business, babe.
Guys, come on. If you don’t feel like you can be yourself around your girl friend or girlfriend (notice how the space makes a difference) then it’s not meant to be. You shouldn’t be trying to change for anyone to like you. The only time you should change yourself is if it’s a healthy change and it’s for you, not for someone else.
If someone wants you to change for them, leave em where they’re at. You don’t want that toxicity in your life, trust me.
Be Careful About Her Homegirls and Other People
Her friends might not actually be her friends. They’ll hit you up, tell you lies, and all just so they can have you for themselves. Don’t trust anything anyone tells you without proof. Other people (boys or girls) that are randoms or groupies will be all up on you or her to break y’all up. Be careful and watch out for these grimey people. If someone texts you, no matter what platform (iMessage, SMS, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, Facebook, etc.), LET YOUR GIRL KNOW!!!! Don’t respond to the message, just instantly show them. And they should do the same if someone hits them up.
Don’t Lie to Her
Lying for whattt???? Like, ew, lying is so ugly. Just tell the truth, what’s wrong with you. Nobody likes a liar, whether in friendships or relationships. If you get caught lying, they’ll start thinking you’re untrustworthy. If you keep lying and they keep thinking you’re untrustworthy, they’ll end up cutting you off and removing you from their life. So, don’t lie.
Never Let a Girl Come Between You and Your Bsf
Oh my gosh, this is so nasty. If you cut off your friends for someone you’re dating, you’re just… Ew. That’s not cute. Obviously you should cut them both off if they’re sneaking behind your back and doing stuff. The onlyyy time you should cut off a friend and not your girl is if they’re trying to get with your gf and she told you about it but didn’t respond or didn’t go for it. Or if one of your friends is trying to turn you and your new girl friend (or even another old friend) against each other. At that point, your friend ain’t your friend.
Listen to Her Problems & Be There for Her
If your girl friend or gf wants to open up and talk to you about something going on in her life (especially if it’s personal), you should be there to listen and give her advice or cheer her up. Don’t be that person that want others to be there for you, but you can’t be there for others. However, if you’re always there for her, she should also always be there for you.
Don’t Let Girls Treat You Any Type of Way
I know we usually hear this about boys, but girls will try to walk all over you, too. They’ll degrade you or belittle you and that’s not cute. Don’t be afraid to stand up to anybodyyy! Cuz at the end of the day, it’s night. At the end of the night, it’s day. Do whatchu need to do.
No, but seriously. Some girls will try to kind of take over your life and be superrr controlling. Whether it’s a girl you’re just friends with or you’re in a relationship with. They might try to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with and other stuff like that. The onlyy time I’d be okay with someone trying to tell me who to be friends with is if someone I was friends with disrespected our friendship/relationship. Anything other than that, no. Go ahead and remove their toxic self from your life, cuz we’re not here for it.
Sometimes it is What it Looks Like
Girls will do you just as dirty as a boy! In friendships or relationships. There have been girls that set their friends up. Remember Kenneka Jenkins? And recently something like her case happened after Christmas last year! What happened to Kenneka and Kalecia Williams is not okay and shows you that the world is really dangerous. People be real life crazy, which is why you need to know who’s really your friend and who’s not.
People will do you dirty, whether it’s getting cheated on in a relationship or getting set up to get killed. Either way, be safee! I can’t stress that enough, babe.
Don’t be the Crazy SO
Don’t be threatening to kill people if your SO cheats. Lol no. Just leave them if they cheat, babe. Whether you cheat back or just stay with them, you’re making yourself look stupid and we don’t do that here. Don’t be the SO that goes to people’s house with a bat, shattering people’s windows. That’s assault. And you gon be real mad when they call the police or shoot you in self defense. Leave people alone!
If you put your SO before your grades, wyd??? Grades lead to GPA. GPA leads to diploma. GPA+Diploma leads to college (or a good job if you skip college). College/Jobs leads to your career. You really finna throw your CAREER away for a girl that you don’t even know is gonna stick by you forever?? Imagineeee!!! That’s so wack. If you’re behind on assignments, put your phone on DND and getcha work done! No if, ands, or buts about it, babe.
Don’t Force Yourself to do Anything
Babe, you can say no. Okay? You should be able to say no to your gf or your girl friend without them blowing up at you. If you can’t… Lol no. Get rid of them. They’re toxic, controlling, and ew. So… We don’t want them anyway.
I know a lot of people need to work on saying no, because they feel a need to please people. You don’t have to please anybody. I used to be a veryyy bad people pleaser, like I felt like I had to agree with my friends/bf and do everything they wanted to despite what I wanted. I felt like if I didn’t, they wouldn’t like me anymore. I kind of still do this, like I sometimes feel like I have to agree with them or they’ll get mad. But I’ve definitely gotten a lot better! Just practice saying no and whenever you don’t want to do something… Remember it’s okay to take your time in answering. It’s okay to say no.
You Don’t Need a Girl to be Happy
You don’t, you really don’t, I promise. When you’re bored and want to get a girlfriend just cuz you’re bored, it’s not gonna go well. Once you’re not bored or if you end up getting bored with them, you’re gonna wanna leave or stop putting as much effort into it as you did in the beginning. They’ll notice this change and you’ll end up hurting their feelings. You don’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings, do you? You shoulda answered no to that question, because I don’t promote that or give praise to anyone who hurts people’s feelings for no reason.
Stay Away from Fighting and Drama
Lol, being in the mix or always being in something is not a cute look. People shouldn’t say your name and everyone goes “Oh, yeah, I know them. They stay in something!” or “Man, they stayy doing something” or even “It’s always something with them.” NOOO! You want them to say stuff like that “They be chilling”, “They don’t do anything”, “They’re kinda quiet”. It’s better to be known for being shy and quiet than messy and loud.
Girls like messy people just so they can laugh at you. I say this a lot, we’re laughing at you, not with you. When it comes to friends or boyfriends/girlfriends, we don’t want a friend or SO that’s always in stuff. Cuz then our name gets roped into whatever it is. Yo girl friend is gonna be like, “Bestfriend, calm down. You stay in some mess.” Yo girlfriend is gonna be like, “Man, it’s always something with you. Can you just chill? Like ew.” And they’ll always have yo back, but at some point, they’re gonna get real tired of the same ol’ same ol’. Then, they’re gonna cut you off and you’re gonna be hurt. We don’t want that, babe.
Make Sure Your Appearance is On Point
Oh my gosh!!! Girls loveee this! At least, I do. I loveee when a boy I like or I’m friends with is always looking nice. (I like when my girl friends look and smell nice too 🙂 )It reflects very well on you and how your life is. It makes people want to be friends with you or want to date you. You don’t want people being ashamed to call you their friend, because you be looking like Lovely Peaches and be smelling like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. I know he stank, because he literally lives in a trashcan.
I know this may be a little contradictory but I gotta say it. Don’t feel like you always have to be looking your best. You can be looking 50%, 30%, or whatever when you get more comfortable with someone. As you both get comfortable, you’ll both start to show yourselves looking chill and relaxed. We want to get this comfortable with people, it shows trust 🙂
Girls are Emotional!!!!
Girls are a lot more emotional than boys are. I feel like some boys either don’t understand this or don’t know how to deal with it. Just let her have her emotions. Some girls will get mad and completely shut down. They won’t wanna see you, talk to you, hear you, none of that. Some girls will want to spend 6 hours talking about why they’re mad. Some girls might be both depending on the situation. Don’t ask us why we’re mad, because we’re not mad. But at the same time, you better ask why we’re mad or we’re gonna feel like you’re ignoring us cuz we know you see us being mad. So… Just go ahead and ask why.
But what you should NEVER do???? NEVER, EVER IN YOUR LIFE TELL A GIRL TO CHILL OR CALM DOWN! That makes us wanna bust ya head open. And don’t tell a girl how she should feel. “You shouldn’t be mad”…. Shut up. Stuff like “chill” “calm down” “whatchu mad/sad for” “you trippin” “it ain’t even that serious” that makes us not like you anymore cuz it’s like… Why are you telling me how I feel? I know how I feel, thank you very much. But anywayy, yeah.
Best Thing to Happen to me This Week: I joined a program called the HYPE Program and I met some really cool girls in there!
Weekly Affirmation: I get better every single day.
That’s all I have for this post! I’ll be doing a Traits of an Independent Person post next (I mentioned it in my previous post), and plentyyy more!
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