Toxicity is all fun and games until somebody gets actually hurt mentally or physically.Taylor, author of Tay’s Gen Z Diary
If you’re here, you’re probably from my Shooting Your Shot or Relationship Tingz post. If you’re not, you’re here because you think you have a toxicity problem. Either way, you’re here. You’ve found me, so congratulations. And, yeah, imma give you the tea.
Stage 1: Realization
You can’t fix the problem when you don’t know what the problem actually is. Are you the toxic one? (you can also apply this to any relationships whether they’re romantic or platonic.) Think about it. And I mean reallyyy think about it.
There are multiple ways you could be a toxic person. You could belittle their efforts. For example, let’s say your SO told you that they wanted to get into a field that is hard to make it in. Take the entertainment industry or being an entrepreneur. Both of these are hard to make it in, because there’s so much competition. Instead of supporting them, you would say things like, “Oh, you’ll never make it.” “Don’t even try.” “You’re not going to do good in that.” That’s not cute. At all.
Another way to be toxic is being jealous. I don’t mean being jealous as in getting mad if a girl/boy talks to your bf/gf. I don’t mean jealous as in getting mad when somebody calls your best friend their best friend. I mean, jealous of your actual friends or family or SO. That means you can’t be happy for them when they succeed. Especially, if you haven’t succeeded at anything or if they succeed more than you did. So, let’s say you made $100 this week and they made $150. You can’t be happy for them, because they made more than you. Really, just focus on yourself and mind your business. Your time will come, but if you’re constantly worried about being better than this person or that person, you’re slowing your progress down. While you’re stuck being all mad with $100, they’re already halfway to $1,000.
Jealousy can also extend to physical appearances. So, the above jealousy was more about succeeding with monetary things. This one is about what they’re like physically, or even mentally. If they’re mentally in a better state than you, you can’t be happy for them. If they’re hair looks nicer than yours today, you can’t be happy for them. If your hair looks nicer than theirs, you can be happy that their hair looks nice. But once their hair looks better than yours, you start to belittle them. Making jokes about things you know they’re insecure about is also a form of this. If they think they have a weird shaped head, and so they hate doing hairstyles where you can see their head shape… You would talk about it a lot.
Being like, “oh you should wear blah blah hairstyle. oh, right, you don’t like your head.” Or whenever they’re succeeding, “well, your head is still built like a vaseline container, so I wouldn’t be acting all high and mighty if I was you.” Like, really? Or if they think they’re too skinny or too fat, and you’re constantly pointing it out. That isn’t cute. At all.
So, now you know if you’re toxic or not. Don’t try to justify it, just fix it.
Stage 2: Fixing It
We’re not gonna be like, “I’m toxic. I’m a bad friend. I’m a terrible person. Oh well, get over it.” Um, no. You needa fix that, right now.
If you belittle others, you need to think about what you would like to do. Let’s say you want to be a video game designer. How would you feel if people you were close to were always saying, “You? A video game designer? *laugh laugh* Yeah, okay. The only thing you know about video games is how to lose!” or “You’re not smart enough to do that.” That would make you feel bad, wouldn’t it? So, don’t do it to other people. If you say mean things to others, I want you to stand in front of a mirror and repeat those things to yourself. How does that make you feel? Don’t degrade others. It reflects veryyy poorly on you.
Imagine you got into the college of your dreams (no matter what college it is) and you got an internship somewhere. You’re getting your degree and getting your bag. You’d feel good about that, and so you’d wanna share it with your inner circle. Imagine one of those people started scoffing and going, “Yeah, whatever.” and changed the subject while you were still talking. You’d get upset, because you worked so hard to get there and nobody cares about your success. That’s what you’re doing to others. You’re making others feel like they can’t be great or achieve anything great. You’re making them feel like even if they do, they can’t tell you about it, they can’t talk to you because you’re Negative Nancy.
Now, imagine you had been trying to get better mentally. Let’s pretend you’ve had depression and anxiety (if this is really how you are, you don’t have to pretend) and you’ve been working so hard and you’re getting better. Imagine that you talk to one of your closest friends, and they feel like they’re not making as much progress as you. Imagine that instead of going, “Good job! You did that!” they’re like, “You’ve still got a long way to go, so don’t act like you’ve made thattt much progress.” You gon be like ummm what? Again, that’s what you’re doing. That’s how you ruin relationships. Don’t be that person that let relationships crash and burn because of something as stupid as jEaLoUsY.
What you can do is practice (it’s not going to be fixed overnight) encouraging others to do what they love. Practice giving them props when they do something they’ve been working hard at. You have to practice and it’ll gradually get better. If you’re not even making an effort to get better, you never will. And if you’re not making an effort, you only care about yourself. I promise you’re going to make all the people you care about stop messing witchu.
Stage 3: Apologizing
This stage is key! You can get better and allat, but before you do, or while you’re getting better, and even after you’re getting better, you need to apologize. If you start being Positive Paul, sure, people are going to appreciate it, but they’re not gonna forget how you were Negative Nelson not too long ago. They’re gonna expect that negative, jealous side of you to return.
You haveee to apologize. A simple, “I’m sorry for how I used to act whenever you did something that you were proud of. I was proud of you, extremely proud, but I was too jealous of you being ahead of me at something to admit it.”
People appreciate honesty more than anything. Remember that, babes. And now, after completing all 3 steps, you’re good. You can move on and forget it happened. And if you feel yourself doing it again, re-read this post and go through each step again. Do whatever you need to prevent it from happening again. You could take some time and be alone. You could do something that can be easily achieved (cleaning your room, reading a book, watching a show/movie, etc.)
If you’re not the toxic one, then send this to whoever is the toxic one. Pass it on as a way to let people know that you’re tired of them doing this and if they don’t fix it, they’re gonna have to find a new friend/SO/family member. (I say “family member”, because let’s say your cousin is toxic. You can uncousin them!!!) Even if you are the toxic one, if you know someone else that acts like this, SEND IT TO THEM!
That’s all I have for this subject. I’ll be doing a dealing with rejection post next, and plentyyy more!
Please like, comment, and share this post.
I love you, babes 🙂