A relationship should never be one-sided. It should be both of the partners putting in an equal amount of work. If it isn’t 50/50, you both need to take a small step back and figure out why.Taylor, author of Tay’s Gen Z Diary
So, if you’re reading this, you’re either from my last post about catching feelings, you’re in a relationship that may or may not be struggling, or you just wanna pass the time. Either way, you’re here. You’ve found me, so congratulations. Obviously, you ready to get to learning. You wanna know what the deal is. You tryna see if relationships are worth the hype. (spoiler alert: depends on the person) Yeah, so, I’m finna get into it and give you the tea.
Stage 1: Catching Feelings
I’m not going to say too much about this, because I literally made an entire post about it. So, if you wanna know more about that, literally click the words “catching feelings” in the heading. Basically, this stage is when you’re noticing them. If it’s someone off social media, you saw their page and seen them looking cute and poppin. Orrr, you know them in person and you been seeing them looking cute and poppin. Either way, you tryna see wassup wit them, you tryna see what they got goin.
Stage 2: Shooting Your Shot
I’m going to make an entireee post about this soon, (so make sure you’re looking for that), in case you want a more detailed explanation. But anyway, shooting your shot is a lot easier than it seems.
Okay, when shooting your shot, you first need to make it known that you’re looking. A few likes of their picture if you’re going to do it via social media. If you’re shooting your shot in person, start hanging around them more. Become friends with their friends. After you’ve made your presence known, you can start paying them more attention. Glance at em a few times. If you’re in a group, stand or sit by them; things like that. After that, it’s time.
Honestly, the best way is to be straightforward. (again, I’m going to make a whole post going into this topic wayyy more, but for the sake of time and this post, we’re making it short.) Let them know you’re interested. Hit em wit a DM or a snap if you’re doing it over social media. Literally just tell them if you’re doing it in person. If you get rejected, then you get rejected. Don’t beg nobody to be with you. There’ll be someone else. Focus on yourself, babes :).
Stage 3: “Talking”
If you don’t know what “talking” is, it’s when you’re not together together, but y’all are kinda testing it out. Most people (aka me) will “talk” to multiple people and make a decision on who to get into a relationship with later. There’s two choices with this stage. Either be loyal to them or don’t. I advise you to not be loyal, because 9/10 they’re not being loyal to you. And there’s no reason to. Y’all ain’t together. Being loyal during the talking stage is like being loyal when all you were doing was liking their pictures.
However, if this is like a childhood crush whom you’ve liked foreverrr, I completely understand being loyal. But being loyal without knowing if they’re being loyal is how you get your heart broken. And duh, if you ask them if they’re loyal, they’re gonna say yes. Unless, they’re a savage and don’t care and will tell you what it is and what it isn’t. So, it’s okay to be talking to 2 or 3 people, (or however many people you wanna talk to). Usually, when you’re talking to more than one person, you’ll end up getting a favorite. (spoiler alert: the favorite is usually who you want to be in a relationship with unless something happens)
When you’re in the talking stage, all you’re doing is flirting prettyyy much. Yes, you’re going to have actual conversations to see how well the relationship would work. So, don’t be flirting 25/8, cuz they gon be like “dang, whatchu want from me?” Like, it’s okay to have someee flirtatiousness going on (don’t be getting tooo crazy and thinking you grown, tho). You give em a lil razzle dazzle, and then you stop. Also, you need to know when it’s the right time to joke around or be flirty. If y’all are talking about your future and the more deep conversations, IT IS NOT THE TIME TO BE JERRY THE JOKESTER! IT IS NOT THE TIME TO BE FLIRTATIOUS FELICIA!
Stage 4: Relationshipness
This is going to be the longest step of them all, because 1. this is what you’re here for and 2. this is what you’re here for.
In this post, I’m not going to talk about breakups or anything like that, but if you wanna see it, lmk in the comments ;).
This is where you’ve gotten past the talking stage, and now you’re together. You all happy cuz he/she is finallyyy your boo. At the start of every relationship where you both actually like each other and nothing was forced, you be sooo geeked! Like, you be on some, “Yeah, that’s my lil baby. Me and bae gon be together foreverrr. We ain’t never breaking up. We that 4L, ride or die type.”
Newsflash, babes: you’re not. So, get it out ya head. It’s okay to be happy and a lil optimistic, but please be realistic. It may or may not last. Don’t get ya hopes up, because the higher ya hopes are at the beginning, the farther they gon fall and the harder the breakup is going to be. Yeen gotta be like, “We not gon last. It’s 4RN.” Like, yeen gotta run ya relationship through the dumps. But don’t be thinking they’re the one untilll they show you multiple times that they could be the one.
Another thing, y’all be thinking just cuz y’all together, you got them locked down for life. You don’t. You should still be hyping them up and doing a lil flirty flirty as if you’re still tryna make them yours. Yeen gotta do the most, but randomly hit they line like, “Bae, you mad fine.” If they post a picture, likeee ittt! And I can’t stress this enough. Even if youn wanna comment heart eyes or things like that, you could comment a lil emoji and text them and say, “that was cute, send me that”. Like, it don’t take much.
Honestly, keeping a relationship private is the best thing you could do. Not secret. Private. There’s a difference. Secret is don’t nobody know y’all together, and y’all ain’t telling nobody that y’all are in a relationship. Yeen gotta put they name in ya bio, or anything like that. For example, if somebody hit you or them up, sayin you cute n allat and they tryna see wassup witchu… Quickly stop that by being like, “mm, sorry, I got a boyfriend” or “mm, sorry, I got a girlfriend”. If your SO tryna keep y’all a secret, leave them. (unless y’all agreed to do that.) This ainno entanglement, babes.
Keeping it private is where everybody (not like the entireee world), but everyone y’all associate with know y’all together but they don’t know what y’all got going. They don’t know when y’all get into an argument. They don’t know when y’all got plans. All they know is that y’all together and that’s that. Cuz I promise you, when you let the outside world alll into your relationship, it doesn’t go well. Take YouTube couples for instance. All of them pretty much say the same thing. Having everybody know what y’all doing and in y’all business causes problems.
Speaking of YouTube, this brings me to say… NOT EVERY COUPLE GOTTA HAVE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!! Okay, stop it. It’s great that y’all wanna make money together and that y’all tryna be in ya bag, but there’s other ways to do it. Y’all could have separate YouTube channels, if you want. But before you make a couple YouTube channel, remember that just because De’arra and Ken have been together forever don’t mean anything. Y’all ain’t DK4L, you’re whoever you are. Yeah, they’re getting married and allat, but they don’t let y’all in they relationship business like that. We didn’t even find out about the engagement until a month after it happened. We don’t know when they start having problems, and that’s how it should be.
Communication is very big in life, but especially in relationships. You not finna be in no committed relationship and y’all don’t ever talk. Ever. If you gotta problem with something they said or did, tell them. And they should tell you. You can’t expect someone to change if you don’t bring it to their attention that they needa change something. People are always saying that once you start noticing their flaws, that means you’re falling out of love or whatever. That’s not true.
You notice someone’s flaws quickly after the relationship starts. You want the relationship to last and you want it to be perfect, so if you don’t notice the flaws until it’s too late, it’s going downhill. Noticing the flaws is not a bad thing. It gives you and them room for improvement. You can grow together. No, it’s not gonna get fixed overnight. You both have to work to get where you need to be.
Relationships involve both people. An equal amount of effort and time and love should be getting put into it. If you notice they’re not giving the same energy as you or they’re not putting in enough effort, tell them. If they don’t fix it, or try to turn it back to you, leave them. A YouTuber I watch a lot (yes, im finna put you on) is Taty Cokley. She described it as being a cat and a mouse. The cat is always and constantly chasing the mouse. If you see that you’re constantly being the cat, and you’re always chasing them, you needa talk to them about it or leave. There’s no in between. Do not settle for less. Because I promise you, if you’re always chasing them and they don’t have to put in any effort for the relationship to work, you’re gonna get tired of pouring all your time and energy into them for them to give you 1% back in return.
Now, if you read all this, it probably made you think about your relationship or past relationships. If you think that you’re the mouse, you’re the one that doesn’t really do anything. Your SO is always quadruple texting you, always tripping over little stuff (which means they care), and you barely do any of that, FIX IT! That’s not cute, because you’re letting them give you the world and you won’t even give them a little bit of grass. I said it in a previous post, and I’ll say it now. A relationship is 50/50. Not 60/40, 70/30, 80/20, 90/10, or 99/1. Get it together, babes.
That’s all I have for this subject. I’ll be doing a shooting your shot post, a how to not be toxic post, (ik in my previous post i said that being toxic can be fun, and it can be, but i’m sure y’all are gonna take that the wrong way), and plentyyy more.
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I love you, babes 🙂